[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[30.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master, Rustmore. He, him. Also with me today is Tom Laird.
[57.6s] Yeah, that's me. He, him. And I am playing Flint Firebeard, who also goes by he, him.
[62.7s] And Amy More.
[64.2s] Yes, sir. I'm playing Thea Amastasia. She, her. As well as me. And Nighthunter, who is she, they.
[74.0s] And Karla Maxted.
[76.3s] Yeah, that's me. She, her. Playing Lipsinki Pipdiggins. Also she, her.
[82.1s] And Carl Closset.
[83.7s] Hey, what's up? He, him. Gonna be playing Vorunax. Also he, him.
[87.7s] Lovely to have you all back here. It feels like it's been quite a long time since, I mean, Tom had an interview the last time we played, and then was promoted.
[96.5s] So.
[97.5s] It's been like ages.
[98.5s] So sweet.
[99.1s] It's like.
[99.5s] Tom runs the government now.
[101.0s] Yep.
[101.3s] And he's in charge.
[102.2s] I haven't signed any paperwork yet, but yes, yes, it will be happening shortly.
[106.6s] That would be good.
[108.3s] That would be good, yeah.
[109.4s] That's what you're working towards, right?
[111.5s] That's the one, yep.
[112.3s] Okay, great.
[113.3s] I mean, yeah, you're in charge of certain, you know, press releases, so you can just kinda, well, we won't go there.
[120.0s] We'll move back to BC, I'll do it.
[120.8s] Or that I want to tell.
[124.7s] All right, we'll stop potentially getting Tom fired now.
[128.4s] Where Tom won't get fired because it's behind a paywall is over on Patreon.
[132.1s] Patreon.com, slash Tom Dragoncast.
[133.9s] He can say whatever he wants over there.
[135.8s] And we'd love for you to join us too.
[137.9s] And when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you, which is the exact opposite of being fired.
[145.3s] And today's patron.
[146.6s] Are we hiring this patron?
[147.8s] Hold on.
[148.4s] We're hiring them to be the sponsor for this episode?
[152.2s] Be supporters, and they get that for sure.
[154.6s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[155.4s] You got there.
[156.4s] In the episode, absolutely.
[158.6s] That's what I meant.
[160.2s] But today's patron, you're going to like it, is Bubblesplipplop.
[165.2s] Bubblesplipplop.
[167.2s] Oh my God, thank you, Bubbles.
[169.2s] You know Bubblesplipplop.
[170.6s] Oh, like the back of my hand.
[173.8s] Is that the Connecticut Plipplops or the New Hampshire Plipplops?
[179.1s] All slightly related.
[180.5s] Thank you, Bubblesplipplop.
[183.0s] Join us today at Patreon.com, slash Tom Dragoncast.
[186.1s] And now, fuck it, let's play.
[197.7s] There's an intense heat and sound of like a droning buzz.
[207.5s] That you hear from above you as the seven of you are as fast as you can,
[213.9s] descending down these massive mile long links of chain.
[219.2s] Above you is a hell wasp nest.
[223.3s] And coming out of the entrance to this wasp nest are six hell wasps
[231.3s] pursuing you with the utmost anger as you had just appeared
[236.8s] and displaced a large section of their hell wasp nest.
[242.5s] Let's take a brief moment,
[245.6s] have a little quick check in and then roll for initiative.
[252.9s] Do I have all my hit points?
[254.4s] I mean, probably not.
[255.6s] I mean, no, you came back from your adventure
[258.3s] and immediately spun the knob on the on the ring.
[264.8s] So no long rest for you.
[267.4s] Fine.
[268.7s] And traveling to hell, obviously.
[270.6s] Oh, well, Gael has all of her stuff.
[274.9s] Hey, where did we do?
[276.9s] Did we ask him where he was going to send us to hell?
[280.3s] Well, I think we made it.
[282.5s] Then it did the trick, didn't it?
[284.0s] Are there not several different, like, sections?
[288.7s] It's a good call.
[289.6s] If I look out over, you know, the chain, we're crawling down.
[294.0s] Are we on the right layer of hell?
[296.7s] How familiar is Vorunax with Avernus?
[302.1s] I would think that, you know, he has at least heard of it.
[306.5s] He's summered there a few times.
[309.4s] Been to a conference, maybe.
[311.5s] Sure.
[312.9s] OK, you look quickly down these chains and out.
[316.7s] There is often the distance and up in the sky
[320.7s] are are several floating wasp nests.
[325.0s] The ground is cracked and like flames and bubbling lava
[329.5s] are shooting up and out of it.
[331.6s] Down scattering the floor are skeletal remains of creatures.
[337.4s] You can't exactly place creatures from this high up
[341.0s] as to what they are, but yeah, you look around
[345.5s] and it gives a very distinct sense that you are probably
[349.5s] in some section of Avernus, which is a very large plane of hell.
[355.7s] Well, if anything, we're going to be able to find our way
[359.4s] to Thanatos from here.
[363.0s] So things on this layer may not be
[367.2s] as challenging.
[369.2s] I don't want to say that.
[371.1s] Are are those giant wasps?
[376.2s] Oh, yeah, hell wasps.
[378.4s] Yeah, it's fine.
[379.6s] You might be able to wrangle one and we can just fly them down.
[381.9s] Yeah, they're coming at us.
[383.0s] They're they're coming at us.
[384.5s] Oh, can you move faster?
[386.6s] Can you move faster?
[387.7s] Move faster down the chain.
[388.9s] If you really want to try, although they are very stubborn and,
[391.7s] well, hellish.
[392.8s] So right now may not be the best opportunity.
[397.1s] Let's roll for an issue.
[401.0s] Marnox, did we has this happened yet in your in this time
[405.1s] where we go to that hill wasp rodeo and there's those two
[410.1s] remember those two guys and they were joined together
[412.8s] and then they were I don't know if you remember.
[415.8s] Has that happened yet?
[417.2s] I want to say yes, oh, so badly.
[421.0s] But I have not even met you yet.
[423.8s] Right. Oh, damn the nine hells I wish I had.
[429.0s] Well, you know what?
[429.8s] We're going to have to try and check it out in the past future.
[433.5s] Then because you loved it.
[437.1s] Loved it.
[438.1s] Vorunax is just quiet as you just like kind of smiles
[440.9s] and plushes as much as a green dragon board and can.
[446.6s] Got initiative rolls.
[448.1s] Seven for Thea, ten for Night Hunter, ten for Vorunax, ten for Flint.
[453.6s] Oh, tens, tens, tens across the board.
[457.2s] Twenty two.
[458.4s] Oh, fuck.
[460.0s] Are you are we even playing the same game?
[462.0s] I rolled a nat 20.
[463.7s] So I wasted a nat 20 on initiative.
[466.2s] So it's just the first of many. That's that's right.
[468.4s] That's right.
[469.5s] Well, Grant has got a ten too, hey.
[472.2s] Tens all across the board.
[473.9s] Tens for everyone.
[475.8s] So sorry, we are hanging from these chains.
[479.6s] Yeah. Suspended like like a mile up in the air.
[483.7s] A mile up in the air.
[485.4s] Wow. OK.
[487.0s] Which for for us Canadians is a couple of kilometers.
[491.5s] Two point two kilometers.
[493.1s] No, that's that's that's pounds to kilograms.
[496.2s] Yeah. One point two.
[498.5s] Yeah. One point two kilometer.
[500.3s] One point one point six point six.
[502.4s] God, we don't know. Yeah.
[503.3s] Sorry, guys. Hey, this this episode.
[505.3s] Canada is the weirdest place where we use imperial and metric
[508.6s] for different things.
[509.5s] So I don't know how many meters tall I am, but I do know feet in inches.
[512.6s] But I don't know.
[513.8s] But then I know kilometer anyway, Canada, am I right?
[519.0s] Can I try to mass suggestion?
[524.5s] These wasps.
[527.6s] Yeah. Tell me what the.
[529.8s] You know, to tell them to like buzz off.
[533.5s] Oh, I'm sorry.
[536.1s] I'm sorry. That was a hell of a joke.
[537.3s] Don't ever apologize for that.
[540.2s] Oh, behave on a failed save.
[543.0s] It pursues the course of action you describe to the best of its ability.
[546.6s] OK, does it have to take so the language you speak or understand?
[553.0s] It does have to understand me.
[555.3s] They cannot understand me.
[557.3s] I do speak abyssal and under common.
[561.0s] Do they speak either of those languages?
[563.3s] Do you want to make a quick nature check to see if you know?
[566.3s] Sure, I do. That's a ten.
[569.4s] You know that they speak one language.
[572.6s] You don't know if it's abyssal or infernal.
[576.7s] Oh, I mean, it's hell.
[578.7s] It's probably going to be infernal, right?
[582.5s] Yeah, which I don't think so.
[586.6s] I'm not confident in that.
[588.1s] So why don't I are they are all above us currently?
[591.8s] Yeah, coming out of this
[593.8s] this massive nest above your heads proceeding down towards you at blinding speed.
[600.4s] Great. I'm going to cast a wall of light.
[605.7s] OK, and it can be free floating.
[610.1s] So each creature in its area needs to make a con saving throw.
[615.2s] OK, are you casting it like where they are
[618.3s] or are you giving a buffer between you and them?
[622.1s] I guess if they're moving quickly,
[624.3s] what I would want to do is put it kind of more in front of them
[630.1s] so that they hit it, so they fly into it.
[632.6s] And then maybe dispending on their speed,
[635.4s] just spending depending on their speed, stay in it for longer.
[639.2s] OK, half of them got an 11.
[641.6s] Half of them have a 17 for the cons.
[644.3s] OK, well, it is a 17, so it beats.
[648.9s] So they are all going to take.
[651.9s] I don't even have 48 radiant damage.
[656.0s] OK, which is only 16.
[659.0s] So a pretty bad roll, but 16 across six different creatures.
[663.6s] That's it. Yeah, that is actually amazing.
[667.1s] And it's blinded for one minute.
[669.9s] Oh, that's relevant. Yeah.
[673.4s] It can make a con save at the end of its turn
[677.5s] to end the blindness.
[679.7s] If it ends its turn still in that wall,
[683.8s] it's going to take another 48 damage.
[686.9s] Awesome. OK, it is their turn.
[689.8s] They are blinded.
[691.9s] They are like they hit it and they're stunned back.
[696.0s] They can't exactly see, so they don't know which way to go.
[699.3s] They're going to try and just keep going the way they were going
[702.1s] and proceed into it again.
[704.4s] So they take more damage.
[705.9s] Forty eight, you said.
[707.4s] You betcha. For each of them.
[710.0s] I guess every creature in.
[711.7s] Yeah, every creature that ends its turn in the walls area.
[714.4s] OK, so tell me how how it looks when six hell wasps
[718.2s] explode in a fiery wall of light.
[721.6s] Yes, I think just like classic porch bug zapper style
[727.3s] where it met and met and then like and you can hear it.
[731.8s] It's like quite audible.
[733.4s] And there's a bit of a scent in the air of that burning as well.
[738.1s] It's a kind of a sweet
[739.7s] bacony scent that you get off of them as opposed to the surprisingly delicious.
[744.9s] Exactly. Well, congratulations.
[747.4s] You've defeated my hell wasp puzzle.
[750.8s] You can proceed down the chain.
[754.8s] Yeah. The 48 extra damage really, really through that one.
[758.4s] That's OK. That was awesome.
[760.2s] Everybody.
[761.5s] Sorry. No, these are very high level characters.
[765.2s] I lean over to the end.
[766.8s] I go, I'm glad.
[768.8s] I'm glad she's on our team.
[770.4s] Oh, absolutely. She's terrifying.
[773.8s] In the best way.
[776.3s] You all make it down to the ground.
[779.6s] Everybody make a Constitution saving throw, please.
[782.9s] Oh, now it's time to shine.
[786.5s] 25, 30 for Nighthunter.
[791.6s] Sorry. Yeah.
[794.0s] She's got a con of 13.
[796.8s] Oh, hold on. No, sorry.
[798.3s] Yeah. Saving through. Yeah. Yeah.
[801.6s] And then I only have a plus 10.
[804.8s] Oh, Thea's got 21.
[807.0s] Libsyncy has an 11.
[808.9s] Well, Libsyncy, you get a plus four
[812.8s] because of my aura.
[814.1s] So 15. And Russ, is this a magical effect?
[819.3s] It's a it's a hell of fact, not necessarily a magical effect.
[823.1s] Yeah. Let's say an environmental, really.
[825.8s] And that puts me at a 14.
[829.4s] OK. Oh, Grancis, too. Right. He's there.
[832.4s] He's there. Grancis got a Grancis got a two.
[836.3s] Oh, no. So Grancis, he's kind of an old guy.
[840.7s] He just had to climb down that whole chain.
[842.6s] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[844.1s] Do you want to roll for it?
[846.4s] Do we want to roll for Donny?
[847.8s] How do you want to handle Donny?
[850.3s] Well, he's in my pack right now.
[852.0s] So does this affect him if he's not like, is there like a
[856.4s] like an igloo lunchbox, like cold liner in your bag?
[861.2s] Negative. I will roll for Donny.
[863.2s] OK. Five.
[866.7s] I don't know if he has any bonuses.
[869.2s] So we're going to say to keep Donny alive.
[874.3s] We're going to say that Libsyncy and Grancis are going to take to D 10.
[882.0s] Essentially fire damage to us.
[886.8s] So that's going to be only seven.
[889.0s] But also all three of those those characters are going to.
[893.0s] Oh, no, you were 14 as well, weren't you?
[895.5s] You're also going to take that seven damage for an ox. All right.
[898.6s] And all of you are going to sustain one level of exhaustion.
[904.0s] Oh, yeah. And you feel more winded,
[909.4s] I guess we could say at this point.
[911.7s] Once you reach the ground, you look around and survey your scene.
[915.5s] There's there's high hills all around you.
[919.9s] You look to where you could, you know, hope to find a sun.
[923.7s] And there is none.
[926.9s] Which way do you want to go?
[928.0s] How do you want to proceed? What do you want to do?
[930.1s] All very good questions. Yes, very, very good questions.
[941.7s] Well, I'd like to be more help, but I really haven't entered this way, so.
[956.5s] Kind of going to have to figure it out.
[957.8s] I mean, I sort of figured this is kind of like I'm here
[962.4s] and I'm going to fight, but like, it's kind of your guys' whole thing.
[967.7s] So I thought you'd probably have like
[970.9s] I was sort of planning on taking a more
[975.1s] like not a not a leadership role.
[979.1s] Necessarily in this whole save in the world.
[982.3s] Backseat. Exactly.
[984.6s] Thank you. Thank you. Yes.
[986.3s] I was going to say subservient, but I could not.
[990.4s] I absolutely was not going to say that to them.
[993.0s] No, you should not say that word.
[996.0s] Never. No.
[998.8s] Lip-synchy bouts to no one.
[1000.5s] Yeah, we'll definitely be of use once we like get there.
[1004.5s] But until we get there, we're all in the same boat, I'm guessing.
[1009.8s] Yes. But which is hot as hell.
[1012.0s] Mm hmm. My God.
[1014.0s] OK, well, let's I don't know.
[1017.2s] Can I look around?
[1018.4s] Like, does there seem to be like a you are here
[1024.1s] map? No, no, there's not.
[1027.2s] And as as previously mentioned, there's high hills all around.
[1029.9s] You seem to be in like this domed area
[1033.1s] and above you are are several hell was changed.
[1037.2s] Yeah, changed down to the ground as if they are floating.
[1040.4s] Hell wasp nests, which you see up high above you.
[1044.0s] More hell wasps coming to and from the various nests around you.
[1050.1s] Perhaps we do not aggravate those insects.
[1055.2s] I can get on board with that.
[1056.4s] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[1057.7s] That seems like a great strategy.
[1060.6s] That being the case, if they're flying up there, if we want to get advantage point,
[1064.6s] get a view of what's outside of these mountains that we're inside.
[1069.8s] Perhaps we try to move as stealthy as possible and quickly.
[1073.3s] Let's just choose a direction and go.
[1076.7s] Yeah, I agree. All right.
[1079.1s] Give me a forward, backward, left or right.
[1083.6s] To the right, right is always right.
[1087.7s] Left is always right. Oh, God.
[1090.2s] No, left is always left.
[1092.0s] Just make everybody give me a stealth role,
[1096.6s] kind of trying to find cover as you're going as hell wasp are passing above.
[1102.9s] Seventeen, eighteen for nine hundred, thirteen for the five five.
[1109.2s] Are you singing as you go?
[1112.3s] Complaining about the heat?
[1113.5s] My first one was a twenty four.
[1116.1s] My second is a twenty two.
[1117.3s] I have disadvantage on stealth roles. Oh, me too.
[1120.4s] Hence the five for you.
[1122.3s] I rolled a nineteen otherwise.
[1124.0s] I have a plus six, but then I have disadvantage.
[1129.1s] So Grants and Vorunax are walking together, telling stories of
[1133.7s] days of old, you know, times down in the abyss
[1137.2s] that they can really just reflect on and relate to.
[1140.6s] Well, you remember that time
[1143.4s] when you stuck those pins pins, Nes,
[1148.3s] things in my eyes?
[1150.4s] I am. That's that sounds familiar.
[1153.4s] That's a tried and true trick of the trade.
[1157.5s] So, you know, did I heat them up?
[1160.2s] Oh, yeah, they were scalding. Yeah, good.
[1163.2s] Sometimes I forget that step.
[1164.4s] And then, you know, it doesn't caught her eyes.
[1166.7s] Then you're just wearing glasses, just wearing glasses.
[1170.8s] Yeah, good point and good point.
[1175.4s] But if you heat them up, then it burns your eyeballs.
[1178.6s] Sounds awful.
[1180.1s] Can you guys keep it down? Oh, yeah.
[1182.1s] Sorry. Oh, shit. Sorry.
[1184.1s] Everybody's walking a little bit ahead, trying to get away from these two.
[1190.7s] Just because they get swooped by wasps, they'll be like, no, with them.
[1195.6s] Vorunax, what's your passive perception?
[1199.4s] Oh, that would be a 13.
[1201.7s] OK, as you're telling stories, you step in like this.
[1207.1s] You crunch down into what sounds like something organic.
[1214.2s] And you look down at your at your feet
[1216.9s] and find that your boot and up your leg is covered
[1220.4s] in this black ichor material.
[1223.0s] And it looks like you've stepped in some sort of like egg sack.
[1227.6s] Hey, watch out.
[1228.8s] Oh, it's, um, kind of scoop out a little bit of it.
[1234.2s] Be like, I, hey, I stepped.
[1237.4s] There's something under the sand.
[1239.0s] Oh, God. Run.
[1243.8s] We need to run. OK, OK.
[1245.7s] I love you running.
[1247.3s] Book it. And I just point upwards back at the nests.
[1250.7s] Oh, oh, don't. Yeah.
[1252.6s] No, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
[1254.7s] What'd you do?
[1256.0s] Nothing. It's fine.
[1257.7s] Varnax roll percentile dice, please.
[1260.3s] All right. That's a two.
[1264.0s] So only two come down.
[1267.0s] That's that's exactly correct.
[1269.0s] I mean, to be upset.
[1270.5s] That's that's the the it's fine.
[1274.3s] You're fine. It's OK.
[1275.9s] Everybody tears off running in the direction you're going.
[1279.2s] And you're making your way up this mountain.
[1281.4s] And you look back briefly.
[1284.4s] Anybody in front of these two?
[1285.9s] And you see that Varnax is trying to like shake off and like rub off
[1289.6s] with this slime that's all over his hand and leg now.
[1295.4s] And you make it up to the top of this mountain and you turn around.
[1299.8s] And as you're all catching your breath and hiding down behind this
[1304.6s] this alcove, everybody looks and Varnax's hair.
[1309.2s] Well, he doesn't have hair.
[1310.3s] His eyes and and scales have become
[1315.9s] roll a d4, please.
[1318.2s] You got it.
[1321.0s] That's a one sexier
[1323.2s] have become this patterned mottled blue, red and yellow.
[1329.5s] It's a bit of a different color scheme.
[1332.6s] What happened to their face and body?
[1335.7s] I did not. I did not know you could do that.
[1338.4s] Have you can you always do that?
[1341.2s] I mean, the powers of the Dragonborn are unknown to many, including those
[1348.2s] I honestly know. I'm sorry.
[1349.6s] I'm not even going to try to keep up the charade.
[1351.5s] I I have no idea.
[1353.3s] I touch this stuff here and I kind of wipe some on Flint.
[1362.3s] Cool. That's chaotic of you.
[1365.0s] I think he is delighted with us.
[1368.8s] So he takes a step backwards.
[1372.5s] Flint roll percentile, please.
[1374.6s] OK, you totally got it.
[1379.0s] Oh, I don't know.
[1380.8s] I mean, I don't know if this is like nice.
[1385.3s] Well, you know how we're nice now, but
[1388.4s] it was number one.
[1390.5s] You know, I mean, I feel fine otherwise.
[1393.8s] And I don't think it's a problem that I know 41 Russ can tell.
[1398.6s] Discussing how you probably shouldn't do that.
[1400.1s] Flint's trying to rub it off.
[1401.3s] And then you look back at Flint and you see that his skin
[1405.4s] where he's trying to where it was placed and working its way out
[1410.1s] and across is now becoming scabby.
[1414.5s] Oh, Flint.
[1417.1s] Ew, Vorunax.
[1419.1s] I'm sorry. I start wiping it on the ground, like trying to get it off my hands.
[1422.6s] Try not to actively like destroy our whole situation here.
[1427.5s] I mean, we have to fight orcas, you guys.
[1433.1s] So Flint, you're your skin is being covered.
[1437.6s] It will be covered entirely in scabs eventually rather quickly.
[1442.3s] You gain a plus one to your AC, though.
[1445.2s] Oh, all right.
[1446.3s] But you lose two to your charisma as long as as long as the scabs
[1451.6s] skin is not, I guess, not sexy.
[1456.1s] Agree to disagree, but what else?
[1457.9s] Feel free to keep track of that until you find a way to get rid of it.
[1462.9s] Or maybe you won't, because this high AC, low charisma lifestyle
[1468.0s] might work for you. I don't know.
[1469.8s] Does it hurt?
[1471.5s] I mean, yeah.
[1473.4s] Oh, oh, does yours hurt?
[1476.4s] No. I feel, again, totally fine.
[1481.3s] I think merely cosmetic and may be great
[1484.3s] because maybe now it won't be recognized as easily.
[1488.3s] This is perfect, actually.
[1489.8s] It is not perfect.
[1491.2s] You are supposed to be a guy who know orcas who get close to him.
[1496.0s] That is something that is beneficial.
[1499.2s] Right. That's a very, very good point.
[1504.2s] I'm glad somebody remembers these things.
[1506.2s] Yes, you did the wrong thing.
[1507.8s] Feel shame and disappointment with you.
[1510.5s] Like everybody does to you.
[1513.3s] OK, I will. I'll work on.
[1515.8s] I'll work on the shame part.
[1519.2s] And disappointment.
[1520.1s] That doesn't come easily these days.
[1522.3s] Hey, who's that over there?
[1525.1s] Stop yelling.
[1529.0s] I'm drawing attention to the man peeing into the hot wind.
[1536.4s] You turn and you see
[1539.2s] first, there's this two wheeled,
[1542.3s] it looks like organic sort of a kind of machine.
[1547.1s] And behind it, next to this large rock
[1551.7s] is a what appears to be a humanoid male.
[1559.0s] What appears to be some sort of humanoid creature
[1562.0s] peeing into the hot wind.
[1564.0s] He is a slender elf like figure.
[1567.5s] He's got long red hair.
[1569.4s] He's got this wooden, twisted crown on his head
[1574.8s] and the greenery from the shoulders down his arms
[1580.8s] and a long blade at his hip.
[1583.7s] And he's just whistling and singing to himself
[1586.4s] as he pees into this hot, blasting wind
[1589.9s] that's coming up and over this mountain towards you.
[1592.9s] How does he do that with not holding onto?
[1596.7s] His hands are in the air.
[1598.6s] How is that?
[1600.6s] I don't know.
[1602.4s] Every time I try that, it just splashes back.
[1608.9s] Okay, you guys now we're just staring at him.
[1610.7s] We have to, should we say something?
[1612.3s] Is this, do you guys know him?
[1614.6s] Russ, can I roll, I don't know, history
[1618.3s] to see if I like?
[1619.5s] Sure. I don't know.
[1620.7s] Yeah, why not?
[1621.6s] Famous Jim Bubb constantly,
[1624.2s] a well-known for peeing into the hot of Vernus Wind.
[1628.2s] I wanna meet the followers of this god.
[1630.0s] You're all the one, so.
[1632.2s] Yeah, you recognize him.
[1633.6s] Guys, I think he's peeing.
[1636.4s] I think he's peeing, guys.
[1639.8s] The figure turns and looks over his shoulder
[1642.8s] and he has this unnerving smile on his face.
[1647.4s] The Russell special.
[1648.6s] Hi.
[1651.1s] Hi.
[1652.8s] Pleasure to see you here.
[1654.1s] Excuse me, one moment.
[1659.9s] Just needed a little quick break there.
[1662.0s] I saw you running away.
[1664.4s] I thought I'd wait here
[1665.7s] because you were coming this direction.
[1667.3s] No, what's happening?
[1668.9s] How you doing down here?
[1671.4s] I mean, I'm covered in like scabby blisters,
[1674.2s] not great.
[1675.0s] Yeah, you touched the ichor, did you?
[1676.9s] Well, I didn't.
[1678.6s] I did.
[1679.8s] I put it on him.
[1680.7s] I put it on him.
[1682.1s] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't touch the ichor.
[1686.5s] Thanks.
[1687.8s] What do you know about the ichor specifically?
[1690.9s] Oh, well, if you touch it, it turns your skin
[1693.0s] and all sorts of weird, weird contusions
[1696.7s] can make your bones brittle,
[1698.4s] can really just wreck your day.
[1701.5s] Uh, there are fixes for it,
[1704.9s] but unfortunately I don't have any of those.
[1707.3s] It's not part of my trade, that's for sure.
[1711.4s] You know what the fixes are?
[1713.0s] Yeah, they're potions,
[1714.2s] they're all sorts of things that are available.
[1717.0s] And what is your trade?
[1719.1s] I am one who spends a lot of time down here,
[1727.7s] really bringing people together.
[1730.6s] So like, like a matchmaker?
[1733.8s] Matchmaker, matchmaker, yeah, let's make a match.
[1738.2s] Find you some time, catch you, catch you.
[1741.4s] No, you don't want to be caught.
[1742.3s] You don't want to be caught down here.
[1744.3s] And at that you hear like a rumbling sound
[1747.1s] down the mountain, the way you're currently walking.
[1751.5s] And you see more of these machines
[1754.0s] that are similar to the one that's in front of you.
[1757.0s] So much larger and some of the similar smaller ones
[1760.7s] like tearing across this hellish landscape.
[1765.3s] And out over that landscape,
[1767.8s] you see a giant twisting river
[1770.8s] cutting through the entire scene before you.
[1776.0s] Are you playing some sort of tag game?
[1779.6s] I'm playing a tag game.
[1780.5s] I don't know, you said don't get caught.
[1782.5s] Oh, well, no, if you get caught by any of the gangs,
[1787.8s] the war bands, anybody who-
[1793.0s] The street youths?
[1794.2s] Yeah, the street youths.
[1795.8s] Watch out for the street youths.
[1798.0s] I hear the backwards baseball cap kids
[1799.7s] are back at it again.
[1800.5s] They are the worst, but they will take your soul.
[1806.4s] And then you'll be stuck here forever.
[1808.0s] Oh.
[1808.8s] Yes.
[1809.7s] Okay.
[1810.5s] And you do not take souls?
[1812.8s] Ah, well, I deal in souls,
[1819.4s] but not in the strict sense
[1820.9s] that I'm trying to keep people here.
[1822.9s] I mean, I was left here some time ago.
[1825.9s] I'm sorry.
[1828.0s] Yeah, it's a real sad story.
[1829.8s] My adventuring group was coming down here
[1831.6s] to try and right wrongs, try and see new things,
[1836.8s] try and get out of the fae and into hell.
[1841.8s] And then when it was like time to leave,
[1844.2s] I got stuck and left behind and they left.
[1848.4s] So now I'm here.
[1849.2s] Did your group have like a cool name?
[1851.0s] Well, names are the hardest thing
[1853.8s] to come up with for any group.
[1855.2s] So we gathered for several years
[1857.8s] and tried to come up with a name.
[1859.4s] And eventually we tricked some other group
[1862.5s] into naming us the really cool friends.
[1865.9s] The really cool friends of hell
[1867.3s] because we were down here for quite a long time.
[1869.3s] So we decided to associate that with our home base.
[1873.2s] Yeah, yeah, but they found a way out.
[1876.0s] Well, speaking of names, what's your name?
[1881.0s] You can call me Smiler.
[1883.7s] And what did you do to betray your friends
[1886.2s] to have them leave you here?
[1888.0s] Betray?
[1890.2s] Ah, I didn't betray anybody.
[1894.4s] Well, if they were your friends,
[1895.7s] they wouldn't have just left you here, surely.
[1897.2s] I told you, I was trapped.
[1898.9s] I was left, I was fought for dead.
[1904.6s] So no hard feelings.
[1906.3s] They thought you were dead.
[1907.5s] You do not stick around for dead teammates.
[1910.0s] You just leave.
[1911.9s] I mean, you could at least check a pulse, right?
[1914.1s] Well, when you are running for your life and soul,
[1917.6s] do you?
[1918.5s] Yeah, no, that's fair, that's fair.
[1920.0s] I guess being trapped down here
[1921.8s] for what seems like an eternity is my fault.
[1925.8s] That is not what they say.
[1927.4s] Just that perhaps we can bring you out with us.
[1931.7s] Oh, you want to take me out with you?
[1933.8s] Do you have soul?
[1935.0s] Of course I have a soul.
[1936.6s] They haven't caught me.
[1937.7s] Unless you're wanting revenge against those
[1940.3s] who left you behind.
[1942.6s] No.
[1944.6s] Wait, you sure? Yes?
[1945.9s] No. Do you?
[1946.7s] Yes?
[1947.6s] Which is the right answer?
[1949.1s] What kind of, what are you,
[1950.3s] you tell me more about yourselves
[1952.2s] and then I will tell you if I want revenge or not.
[1954.8s] I sell you something, you sell me something.
[1956.7s] Okay.
[1957.5s] I sell you revenge against the people
[1958.9s] who left you here for an eternity of hell.
[1960.8s] Right.
[1962.0s] And you sell me information on
[1964.2s] the best way to get to Thanatos.
[1967.4s] Oh, you want to get to Thanatos?
[1969.2s] That's a long journey.
[1970.5s] You got to take the best way out is the river.
[1974.1s] This is the river Styx.
[1976.3s] That's the same river that flows all the way up here too.
[1979.7s] Yeah, no, it goes all the way from the material plane,
[1982.4s] cuts down through the hells
[1984.6s] and then eventually finds its way down into the abyss,
[1988.7s] the lower levels, you know,
[1991.2s] the sub-basement of existence.
[1997.0s] But you want to go there.
[1997.8s] So that's a really great place.
[1999.1s] It's like a, it's a holiday getaway.
[2002.9s] There you go.
[2003.7s] You understand.
[2004.6s] So is there like a boat?
[2006.0s] Yeah, of course there's a boat.
[2007.7s] You have to pay to get on the boat.
[2009.6s] You've got soul coins, yes?
[2012.4s] Yeah.
[2013.7s] He reaches into his pocket and flips a coin
[2015.8s] and it like Glimers this red color
[2018.2s] and lands back in his hand.
[2019.2s] Yeah, soul coins.
[2020.1s] He kind of shows it in front of you.
[2021.6s] There's like this image of a screaming face on it.
[2026.6s] And as it passes near you,
[2028.6s] you hear like this echoing cry that comes from it.
[2032.1s] And he tosses it back in his pocket.
[2034.5s] Yeah, it's the currency down here.
[2036.1s] It's how you get anything done.
[2038.2s] That's horrifying.
[2041.9s] Well, it is hell.
[2043.3s] Yeah, I guess.
[2044.9s] When in Rome.
[2045.8s] Did you, did you like do research
[2048.5s] before you took the tour guide?
[2051.2s] Um.
[2055.5s] Like even like, what's the temperature in hell?
[2058.5s] Like this time of year?
[2061.1s] It changes yearly?
[2063.2s] No, it's always the same.
[2065.2s] I just figured it'd be hot.
[2067.2s] Just asking information of how much you did
[2070.6s] to prepare for coming to hell.
[2072.5s] Like, it seems like you could be stuck here
[2073.8s] for a really long time unless someone decided to help you.
[2075.8s] Well, we would make it worth that person's while for sure.
[2079.2s] Really?
[2081.0s] Especially if the person had soul coins
[2083.4s] they could help us out with.
[2084.9s] And maybe come along with us?
[2087.0s] Oh.
[2087.8s] And that way we could ensure we get them out.
[2090.9s] I take one of the abyss.
[2092.9s] And if that person wanted like a world to be around
[2096.2s] when they left hell,
[2097.3s] that might be a good reason to help us too.
[2098.8s] Truth.
[2101.5s] Very good.
[2102.6s] Let me think.
[2104.9s] A world to left to possibly get revenge.
[2110.9s] Could have a fun like little tag long journey.
[2114.5s] Could be fun.
[2115.3s] Could be fun.
[2116.2s] We have snacks.
[2118.0s] We've got snacks.
[2119.6s] Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[2121.3s] Well, snacks are better than most of the food
[2123.3s] you find here.
[2124.2s] The water is hit and miss.
[2126.8s] Little sour, a little like sulfuric.
[2130.1s] Like burns the nostrils.
[2132.4s] Thea holds up a bag of chips.
[2136.0s] That's right.
[2138.0s] They've got potatoes.
[2139.7s] They've figured out chips.
[2140.8s] Yeah, absolutely.
[2141.7s] Yeah.
[2142.5s] Hey everyone, it's me, your dungeon master, Russ More,
[2150.2s] hanging out with you in the middle of the middle.
[2153.2s] That's where we like to hang.
[2155.5s] I'm producing this late and getting it to you now.
[2160.3s] I mean, it's only late if you're expecting it
[2164.4s] at a specific time.
[2165.6s] I think it showed up right when you needed it.
[2168.6s] Whatever you were doing just before this
[2171.0s] and you saw that Dumbgeons and Dragons had a new episode,
[2173.9s] I bet you, I hope that it made your day
[2177.2s] just a little bit brighter.
[2180.0s] I also hope that you were having just a great day too.
[2182.2s] We're back in the regular story.
[2183.5s] We're making sure you're getting your regular episodes.
[2185.3s] We're getting caught up on a lot of Patreon stuff.
[2187.7s] Yes, we fell a little bit behind.
[2189.2s] Life is busy and we wanna make sure
[2192.6s] that we are doing the best for you.
[2194.8s] Carla stepped in to help on some dialogue editing.
[2197.4s] She's also helping with the newsletter.
[2199.0s] Have you signed up for the newsletter yet?
[2200.4s] DumbDragons.com.
[2201.8s] You go there and it pops right up
[2204.6s] if it's the first time you've been there.
[2205.9s] If not, go to the contact page.
[2208.4s] Give us your email and you get a sweet, sweet newsletter.
[2213.7s] Carla packs it full of so much stuff
[2216.0s] and it's a great time for everybody involved.
[2219.1s] We've got a couple days left on our Patreon special
[2223.0s] offer, which if you sign up for an annual membership,
[2226.8s] new or upgrading, you get two months free.
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[2233.8s] depending on what tier you're at.
[2235.2s] At the $5 tier, you're gonna get access
[2237.2s] to hundreds of hours of bonus content,
[2239.8s] like literal hundreds of hours of bonus content.
[2243.2s] There's Hangouts with us.
[2244.4s] There's, as you move up in the tiers,
[2246.5s] there's more Hangouts with us.
[2247.6s] Tonight, as I'm recording this,
[2248.8s] Carla and Tom are doing book club
[2250.4s] with some of our patrons.
[2251.6s] They picked a book a few months back.
[2253.3s] Everybody read it.
[2254.4s] They're all having a great time talking about it.
[2256.2s] I just saw some chatter in the Discord
[2258.3s] as I'm recording this popping up
[2260.4s] and everybody's having a wonderful time.
[2262.2s] So we hope to see you over there,
[2263.6s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2265.4s] And now let's get back to this hellacious episode
[2268.2s] that is, I think this is actually really, really fun.
[2271.8s] Less hellacious,
[2273.2s] cause I miscounted challenge ratings.
[2277.9s] You know how it is.
[2279.2s] It's whatever.
[2280.9s] We're just here to have a good time.
[2282.3s] Okay.
[2283.2s] You have a great week.
[2284.0s] We'll talk to you soon.
[2284.8s] Bye now.
[2285.7s] One chip for a, for a soul coin.
[2293.9s] One chip for a soul coin.
[2295.1s] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[2298.2s] No, you might as well try and kill somebody else
[2300.2s] and get their soul coins.
[2302.2s] But that's not going to happen.
[2303.6s] Not with me.
[2306.0s] We don't want to kill you.
[2307.9s] Oh, okay.
[2308.8s] Well, that's good.
[2310.3s] So where can we get soul coins?
[2312.2s] Well, you could trade for them
[2317.0s] to with somebody other than me.
[2318.3s] Cause I don't want to give my soul coins up.
[2319.7s] Just in case your plan goes south,
[2321.2s] I need to have some currency to be able to get to
[2323.1s] and from and, and deal with my own accord and affairs.
[2327.5s] There are, you got to travel the river sticks, right?
[2330.6s] So they probably don't want to see you going that way.
[2333.0s] So there's one problem that you two have.
[2336.3s] And he points to Flint and Vorunax is that your,
[2339.3s] your appearance appears different.
[2345.3s] They can all tell that you touched the Icar.
[2348.0s] So, I mean, you, you might want to fix that
[2351.6s] before you leave.
[2354.1s] What happens if we don't?
[2355.6s] Well, your friend here is covered in scabs
[2358.1s] for eternity or until he dies.
[2361.5s] And you, I guess you really,
[2364.5s] you really don't have the worst I've seen.
[2367.0s] So if you live long enough,
[2370.7s] maybe it will just continue to be this rainbow
[2373.8s] speckled thing you got going on here.
[2375.8s] That's kind of, that's kind of cool.
[2377.0s] Kind of got a peacock vibe.
[2377.9s] A little bit.
[2378.8s] You know, I bet a few sheddings it'll be cleared up.
[2384.0s] Now, are you saying that if we leave here
[2385.8s] without resolving these issues,
[2390.5s] they're permanent and nothing can be done
[2392.6s] once outside the realm of Avernus?
[2395.4s] I haven't left to test.
[2398.8s] Most people perish here.
[2400.3s] You haven't left to test.
[2402.1s] So what changed about you?
[2404.9s] Well, nothing visible.
[2409.1s] Oh my God, that's why he didn't have to hold on to pee.
[2412.3s] Are you saying he got a floating penis?
[2414.4s] Or what are you, was that what happened?
[2416.5s] You got Icar on your penis
[2417.7s] and then it started just floating?
[2420.5s] Because that's quite specific.
[2424.4s] You spend enough time in Avernus,
[2426.3s] you try a lot of things.
[2427.6s] I'm gonna believe that to check out.
[2432.3s] Now, as far as these magnificent contraptions
[2435.3s] I see rolling around and here in front of us,
[2437.9s] and you said we have to pay somebody on the boat.
[2440.3s] I imagine you're talking about the ferrymen.
[2445.2s] What if we made our own boat?
[2447.5s] You could try.
[2448.5s] Yeah, yeah, oh, absolutely.
[2449.9s] I've seen many people put together a boat
[2451.9s] and head out on the river,
[2454.3s] ne'er to be seen again.
[2456.8s] Because they made it out?
[2460.2s] That's right.
[2461.1s] No, the boat sometimes comes back.
[2464.9s] But they didn't need it anymore, so they got off?
[2467.6s] No, yeah, so you try and travel the river
[2472.4s] and you end up here, you end up there.
[2475.3s] You probably don't end up anywhere you wanna be.
[2479.1s] It twists, it turns, it moves between planes.
[2482.1s] You end up in some sort of Yinogu temple.
[2485.3s] You're eaten by this giant,
[2487.4s] giant, you know?
[2492.0s] The gnoll.
[2492.8s] The gnoll, yeah, yeah, that one.
[2496.2s] That does not sound good.
[2497.2s] I do not want to do that one.
[2498.9s] So ferrymen's kinda the only way.
[2502.4s] You need a tour guide.
[2504.6s] They're your best bet.
[2505.9s] Okay, okay.
[2507.9s] So finding soul coins.
[2509.1s] So if you want to fix whatever you have goin' on,
[2511.9s] or if you're cool with the colors,
[2513.3s] there's the wandering emporium
[2515.2s] that I could take you to go see Mahati,
[2518.7s] and he might be able to set you up.
[2520.5s] But again, soul coins currency,
[2522.2s] so maybe you want to find some of those too.
[2527.1s] There's some folks who hang out
[2530.3s] in the stick's watchtowers.
[2532.3s] They often have a few floatin' around
[2536.7s] for hittin' the town.
[2539.5s] You take them out.
[2540.5s] You take their coins.
[2541.6s] Then you got currency for the boat.
[2543.5s] You got currency for your, what, ales ya?
[2547.6s] And then, not only would you take out
[2549.8s] everything in the watchtower,
[2551.9s] they probably wouldn't shoot at you with anything,
[2554.3s] because you don't look like
[2555.4s] you need to be traveling the river sticks.
[2558.8s] Watchtower first?
[2560.0s] Think it sounds like a solid plan.
[2561.8s] Yeah.
[2562.9s] Do you want to come with us?
[2563.7s] You can have all of our extra soul coins
[2565.3s] that we don't need.
[2566.4s] Oh.
[2568.7s] And this bag of chips.
[2571.8s] All right.
[2572.7s] Literally just gotta drive us there.
[2574.5s] Sure, yeah, everybody hop.
[2576.2s] Oh, there's only a couple seats.
[2577.7s] That's okay, I'll ride really slow.
[2579.1s] One of you can each take turns.
[2582.4s] Or we can go get a war machine.
[2584.3s] That could be really fun.
[2586.6s] Are they bigger?
[2587.4s] Yes.
[2590.9s] You just have to take one out.
[2593.2s] Like, take the people off of it.
[2594.9s] Remove them.
[2595.7s] How many people are in them?
[2597.6s] Yeah, it could be one.
[2599.5s] Could be seven.
[2602.1s] Could be-
[2603.0s] How often is it one?
[2604.8s] If you're looking for a big one
[2606.2s] with some room to play,
[2608.0s] it's not likely that there'll just be one.
[2610.6s] There could be several.
[2612.4s] Several, several, several.
[2614.3s] And how far is the guard tower?
[2617.2s] Like, do we need a machine to get there?
[2619.1s] Can we just kind of plod along till we-
[2622.6s] Walk and not, you know,
[2624.3s] draw attention to ourselves?
[2625.9s] He pulls out a, like, a binocular telescopic device.
[2632.2s] A looky-loo?
[2634.0s] It's slightly different than a looky-loo.
[2635.8s] Looky-loo's a singular.
[2636.8s] It's a monocule.
[2638.3s] Monocule, monoc, monocle.
[2641.9s] I like monocular.
[2642.9s] Monocle.
[2645.7s] Pulls it out and kind of just moves along the river
[2648.4s] and says, right, there's one.
[2650.5s] There's one down there.
[2652.7s] Shows it to you and points it out.
[2655.0s] It's a fair ways down there.
[2657.7s] Probably take you a day or so to travel that far,
[2660.2s] but if you don't get lost,
[2663.2s] you should be able to make it just fine.
[2665.3s] But war machines,
[2667.0s] you could get there in a couple hours.
[2671.1s] And there goes another group right there.
[2673.2s] Okay, I'm gonna be honest with y'all
[2674.9s] because I'm working on that part, honesty.
[2678.3s] I wanna take out a war machine.
[2680.5s] I do kind of want a war machine.
[2683.6s] I mean, it sounds pretty cool.
[2687.0s] I mean, lip-synchy?
[2690.3s] Oh, I mean, obviously like death and chaos
[2694.4s] is kind of like, I'm pretty into it.
[2697.6s] So I'm, I mean, I'm not,
[2699.9s] I'm trying to stop with that,
[2701.3s] but my instincts are still,
[2703.4s] yeah, obviously, let's steal a war machine.
[2706.2s] I mean, I wanna double check with the people
[2711.3s] I've joined up recently.
[2712.1s] I mean, mostly devils untoward people.
[2714.3s] There's nothing wrong with a little chaos, right?
[2719.6s] When it comes to people here?
[2721.1s] Yeah, this wouldn't be frowned upon, right?
[2723.6s] These aren't people that we need to like protect
[2725.9s] and save and blah, blah, blah, blah.
[2728.3s] Just more of a,
[2730.3s] I think this might be a moment
[2732.2s] when your penchant for chaos and destruction
[2734.8s] might actually come in handy.
[2736.9s] I mean, as long as it's always working
[2740.5s] toward the goal of defeating Orcus and saving the world,
[2744.5s] I say go for it.
[2746.3s] Oh, so this is such an important clarification.
[2749.7s] So I just wanna be clear.
[2751.1s] We can kill and destroy and cause mayhem
[2755.5s] as long as like your side says it's cool.
[2760.1s] Well, as long as it's working toward the goal.
[2763.5s] So like, don't like go out of your way
[2765.2s] to murder people where it's not gonna benefit the cause,
[2769.2s] but don't just go ahead and murder people
[2771.2s] and say it's in the name of,
[2773.5s] cause that's just, that's fucked up.
[2776.8s] Yeah, we don't wanna do that.
[2778.2s] Yeah, cause we're not in the name of,
[2779.5s] we just don't want our world to be destroyed.
[2781.8s] And you know what?
[2782.6s] If you've got to kill a few people
[2783.9s] and steal the war machine
[2784.8s] to make sure that we do that timely,
[2787.8s] then let's do it.
[2789.8s] Unleash the beast.
[2793.1s] Put your penis back in.
[2794.5s] Sorry.
[2795.5s] How do you have to pee this much?
[2798.7s] Uh, here's the thing.
[2800.9s] When you drink some of the water,
[2802.3s] sometimes it just runs right through you.
[2805.1s] I think that's called Giardia.
[2806.5s] Oh, there's a name for it.
[2808.7s] Yeah, that seems to check out
[2810.2s] with how they run things down here.
[2812.5s] They wouldn't give you just clean water.
[2814.3s] It's probably got just floaties in it.
[2817.3s] It's contaminated.
[2820.3s] It's like it's been sitting out all day
[2821.6s] on a kitchen table and no one will touch it
[2823.3s] because it's just the worst.
[2826.2s] It's true.
[2829.1s] Bedside table water?
[2830.3s] No, thank you.
[2831.7s] Oh God.
[2832.9s] It doesn't have a lid on it.
[2834.0s] It's likely contaminated.
[2837.1s] All right.
[2838.0s] Okay.
[2838.9s] Well, here comes another,
[2840.8s] how do we know is a good one?
[2842.2s] Okay.
[2843.0s] So do you want, how many of you are?
[2844.3s] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
[2845.8s] And then if I'm coming,
[2847.1s] we'll see about that later,
[2848.9s] but there's eight total bed judging
[2851.7s] by the size of the bag.
[2853.5s] You've got somebody hiding in your bag.
[2856.1s] Maybe.
[2858.5s] Neither here nor there.
[2859.4s] Maybe they shrunk down
[2860.5s] because they also stuck the anchor.
[2861.9s] I don't know.
[2862.7s] I don't know what's in your bag.
[2865.1s] But yeah, what I'll do is I'll create a diversion
[2868.6s] in front of this.
[2869.5s] Oh, so do you want,
[2870.7s] if you want to fit eight into one single one,
[2874.1s] we can get either a couple smaller ones
[2876.6s] that can fit four and four,
[2878.3s] or we can get like one of those scavengers.
[2880.2s] You look down and it's got the slanted hood to it
[2884.9s] with these huge like bone tooth spikes coming out of it
[2889.5s] with this giant grabbing claw at the back,
[2892.2s] or one of the demon grinders coming around the corner.
[2894.4s] And it's got like this huge mauve teeth on the front
[2897.4s] that's like moving up and down
[2898.7s] and this massive wrecking ball hanging off of the back.
[2901.9s] Oh, I want demon grinder.
[2904.7s] Correct.
[2906.9s] Yeah, the demon grinder is the good one.
[2909.5s] They're a lot of fun to ride around.
[2913.9s] Are there any war machines
[2915.5s] with one of those do for years on them?
[2917.7s] Yeah, yeah, sure.
[2920.3s] We could wait and see if there's a roaming group
[2923.5s] of bards hanging around.
[2927.2s] This is unlikely, bards die first.
[2930.9s] Of course.
[2931.7s] Yeah, yeah.
[2932.6s] Any of you bards?
[2935.0s] No.
[2935.8s] Spit on the ground, no.
[2937.5s] Oh, I thought about it once,
[2939.3s] but I couldn't play an instrument.
[2941.2s] Well, that's too bad for you.
[2942.6s] You're probably gonna die first.
[2943.8s] Because he can't play an instrument.
[2945.4s] I did die first the last time.
[2947.8s] And the first time.
[2949.1s] And the first time.
[2951.0s] I've died again and again and again,
[2952.8s] so it's new, it's a old hat for me.
[2956.4s] All right, well, I mean, that one looks good.
[2959.0s] It's got like teeth and a wrecking ball.
[2961.8s] Mm-hmm, those grindy saw blade wheels
[2964.7s] really just tear up the earth beneath you.
[2967.9s] So what are we talking about?
[2969.6s] So let's say, worst case scenario,
[2972.8s] there's like eight of...
[2977.1s] Yeah.
[2977.9s] What's driving that thing?
[2979.3s] In the one, there's gonna be,
[2982.6s] there's probably gonna be some madcaps,
[2984.7s] there's probably gonna be some just your standard demons.
[2988.8s] Might be a red cap, like a helm in the wheel
[2992.0s] because they've got a little bit more,
[2993.7s] they're still wild and just like ready to party,
[2997.2s] but they can handle, when it comes time
[3001.1s] to tearing up and getting away,
[3003.6s] they've still got it in them.
[3004.8s] Okay, we are all people on our people legs.
[3009.5s] How do we get one of these?
[3013.1s] Well, so we're gonna have to go down the mountain.
[3015.1s] I will go ahead.
[3018.2s] He pulls out his binocules again
[3021.1s] and looks down and says, I might know them.
[3026.1s] I could just get them to, you know,
[3028.2s] separate off from the rest of the crew
[3031.6s] and just kind of pull them over
[3032.8s] and just give them like, hey, what's happening?
[3035.2s] You sneak up behind and jump them.
[3040.3s] Okay, now you know these people.
[3042.1s] What's to say that you don't tell them
[3044.3s] that we're there and then they kill us?
[3046.8s] Why would I do that?
[3048.1s] We have become the best of friends.
[3050.1s] You've seen me pee twice, three times now.
[3055.5s] How do you make a soul coin?
[3059.1s] Well, the soul is captured into a capsule
[3063.1s] and then you take it to the bank
[3065.0s] and they put it into the coin,
[3068.5s] but likely everybody carries them.
[3071.4s] So you dispatch of them, knock them out,
[3075.5s] put them to sleep, kill them.
[3079.4s] And then you can take their soul coins.
[3081.7s] And also their souls to turn into coins?
[3084.5s] Well, their souls just, if you kill them,
[3086.3s] the souls leave and they're just floating around
[3088.8s] and people capture them.
[3092.8s] So we could just, okay.
[3094.6s] Yeah.
[3095.4s] Is there like a bank nearby?
[3097.0s] Can we just rob a bank?
[3099.7s] I'm just looking at this.
[3100.6s] You want to rob a bank in a furnace?
[3101.8s] What are you nuts?
[3103.9s] Maybe.
[3104.7s] I don't know.
[3106.4s] I mean, it excites me again.
[3109.5s] Sure, sure.
[3111.0s] What I'm telling you
[3111.9s] is they probably have currency on them.
[3114.6s] So you can just loot their pockets.
[3116.1s] I know.
[3117.0s] I'm just thinking, if you double cross us,
[3119.7s] we are eight coins, are we not?
[3125.0s] I mean, together, if you include me,
[3126.5s] there's only seven of you.
[3127.5s] So that'd be seven coins.
[3128.4s] I wouldn't turn myself into a coin.
[3129.7s] That just seems ridiculous.
[3130.8s] Okay, so you would turn us into coins.
[3133.6s] Well, if you die, that's a soul gone to waste.
[3136.2s] Why wouldn't I?
[3139.1s] Guys, I don't know what to do.
[3140.3s] Should we just kill this guy and take his machine?
[3143.3s] Yeah, you've got a machine and coins.
[3146.9s] So really what you've been saying
[3148.3s] is we need to kill someone or knock them out,
[3151.2s] knock them out, and just rob them.
[3155.1s] He's backing up towards his machine.
[3158.1s] Does it actually look like we wouldn't be able
[3159.9s] to all fit on his machine?
[3161.4s] Yeah, it clearly looks like it holds maximum two people.
[3165.7s] Gotcha.
[3166.8s] You got the sporty coupe.
[3169.3s] Yeah, this Devil's Ride, it really only is just for you
[3173.7s] and one other special someone.
[3177.6s] Riding out to see the fires broiling on the horizon.
[3184.5s] There's no sunset or sunrise here.
[3186.6s] It's just all hell.
[3188.9s] See, I would feel better if you showed some real
[3193.5s] interest in getting out and seeking revenge
[3196.5s] on your buddies or the chips.
[3200.0s] I really thought the chips would be a little more exciting
[3202.0s] considering how long have you been down here?
[3205.9s] Have you had a salty snack?
[3209.0s] I can hop from plane to plane myself.
[3213.0s] So, like look.
[3214.7s] So you're not all dit.
[3217.9s] So you are down here by choice?
[3221.8s] No.
[3224.5s] I just keep coming back.
[3225.7s] Like every time I, he snaps his fingers
[3227.9s] and now you're in this lush green rainforest
[3231.5s] with birds, the sound of birds chirping overhead
[3235.5s] and these large like vines coming down all around you.
[3241.3s] And you hear this voice begin to echo around you.
[3243.9s] And it says, I just come here to relax and get away.
[3248.7s] And it's cooler, isn't it?
[3250.4s] It does feel cooler.
[3251.4s] There's a slight breeze cutting through.
[3255.6s] And the vines around you begin to move
[3259.5s] and wrap themselves around you.
[3261.7s] There it is.
[3262.9s] That's a fucking guy.
[3265.5s] Look, I was trying to give you an easy way out.
[3267.9s] You take out some people who don't like me very much
[3270.8s] and then you get your soul coins
[3272.5s] and you can go along the way.
[3273.6s] But now you're talking about taking my things
[3276.1s] and I don't really want that to happen.
[3278.3s] You were not very clear about taking out people
[3281.1s] that don't like you.
[3282.7s] Then that sounds like you're invested
[3284.3s] and I trust you a little bit more.
[3286.2s] You buried that lead in a very bad way.
[3289.3s] You did, you're not doing yourself any favors.
[3290.6s] Yeah, that's on you.
[3293.0s] And your smile is very off-putting.
[3296.0s] I asked you if you wanted revenge
[3297.7s] and you were just like,
[3298.5s] against the people who left me here, no,
[3300.1s] and didn't mention anyone else.
[3303.0s] Hey, I know these guys.
[3304.5s] I could get them to come aside for a moment
[3306.7s] and you get them from behind.
[3308.1s] Like we are more likely to work harder for you
[3310.9s] if you give us all information.
[3312.9s] Yeah, if you just said, I hate those guys
[3315.2s] and I want that machine after you get in the boat
[3317.4s] with the ferrymen, we can understand that motivation.
[3321.7s] Absolutely.
[3323.9s] Cause we've wasted like, what have we been here,
[3325.7s] 30 minutes, five years?
[3327.4s] I do not know.
[3328.7s] These orcs are taking over the world now.
[3331.8s] There's a loud clap in the jungle around you,
[3334.3s] disappears and he's on top of his war machine.
[3336.7s] He says, well, I didn't know.
[3339.6s] I didn't know.
[3340.5s] Sometimes there's good people who come down here
[3342.9s] and they're like, I'm a goody goody two shoes.
[3345.2s] I don't want to hurt anybody or carry soul coins.
[3348.6s] Oh, oh, you see, we are good people,
[3351.1s] but we can kill as many people as we want
[3353.5s] in order to further our goodness.
[3358.4s] To save the world.
[3359.3s] I mean, we're trying to save the world here.
[3361.1s] So we kind of have to like do some stuff to make it happen.
[3363.4s] Gotta break a couple eggs.
[3366.4s] I like you.
[3367.4s] I like you all.
[3369.2s] Come with me.
[3370.0s] Race me down the hill.
[3370.9s] And he tears off down the hill towards the
[3374.1s] war machines down at the bottom.
[3375.8s] Oh my God.
[3376.6s] I'm not running down this hill, you guys.
[3379.0s] It's okay.
[3379.8s] You can ride on the back of my steed
[3381.3s] that I'm going to summon.
[3384.8s] Oh no, it's a casting time of 10 minutes.
[3386.8s] We get to the bottom, your steed arrives.
[3392.8s] Wait up.
[3393.6s] I'm coming.
[3398.4s] Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 136,
[3402.6s] starring Amy More as Thea and Night Hunter.
[3405.3s] Carla Maxted as Lipsinki.
[3407.3s] Tom Laird as Flint, with Kyle Claset as Vorunax
[3410.5s] and Russ More as your dungeon master.
[3412.5s] Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted
[3414.6s] and sound design by Russ More.
[3416.6s] This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
[3419.1s] and Artlist and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
[3422.0s] Boom Library and Sound Idea.
[3423.9s] And a huge thank you to our supporting producers
[3426.7s] And a huge thank you to our supporting producers
[3428.6s] Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok,
[3430.4s] Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
[3432.3s] Christian Brown, Craig Zeiss,
[3434.3s] Aaron Stevens, Daryl,
[3435.9s] Perry Matey, L.A. Branton,
[3437.6s] Old School Gamer D,
[3439.2s] Nathaniel Teeter, Kayla Littlejohn,
[3441.5s] Destiny Garcia, Nicholas Cooper and Ryan Carr.
[3444.9s] Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast
[3448.4s] and receive hundreds, literal hundreds of hours
[3452.1s] of bonus content, hangouts with the cast
[3454.6s] and a whole lot more.
[3455.9s] You have a great week.
[3456.9s] We'll talk to you soon.
[3462.6s] As, how many of you are there?
[3464.3s] Five?
[3465.2s] One, two, three, four, five.
[3466.7s] Some people are playing like seven characters for us.
[3468.7s] I have no idea.
[3469.6s] One, two, three, four, five.
[3470.4s] Yep.
[3471.3s] No, I-
[3472.1s] Only Amy this time, I think, right?
[3472.9s] Only Amy, yeah.
[3473.9s] Everybody else is singles.
[3476.5s] No, Grantzis is there too.
[3477.8s] Son of a bitch.
[3480.3s] I was like, don't you play so well.
[3482.1s] I mean, that's our usual reaction
[3484.1s] when Grantzis shows up somewhere.
[3485.4s] Oh shit, he's here. Nice to have you on the team, Russ.
[3490.9s] When you're penchant for chaos and disjunction,
[3495.1s] fuck off, Amy, fuck off, disjunction.
[3504.6s] Was one of the Doof warriors?
[3507.5s] This is also what I've been picturing.
[3510.9s] Yeah, you're talking Mad Max?
[3514.9s] Russ doesn't know.
[3517.2s] I don't know.
[3518.0s] That's a Doof warrior.
[3518.9s] That's a Doof warrior.
[3519.8s] He's the guitar guy.
[3520.7s] Oh, okay, yeah.
[3521.5s] The Mad Max rage.
[3522.3s] I literally thought you were setting up
[3523.5s] what's a, like, what's an up dog.
[3525.4s] Oh yeah, what?
[3526.3s] I thought you were setting up like a joker.
[3528.1s] Is that an up dog?
[3530.0s] What's up dog?
[3530.8s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.